Codependency: The unhealthy characteristics formed from emulating a role-model’s dysfunctional living. A toolbox for mental health; this site can help to navigate through the mind jarring psycho-babble. Gambling, Abuse, or the broad range of other addictions and illnesses can affect couples, children, parents, and friends as well.
I started this Codependency Survival Kit as a non-personal significant website that would draw extra income through advertising. Its main goal, however, is to always stay focused on the codependency in my life. It is through the constant work on this website that I will continue to educate myself on the matter.
posted by Desk Jockey @ 10:44 PM
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Armed with the knowledge that the Lord had rescued me I decided it was time to give back. I started a job working with Adults with Developmental Disabilities. It had helped me so much in learning how to work with other people; as well as working with myself. It however was only a vocation and I decided that I needed to pursue something that would help me support a family.
posted by Desk Jockey @ 10:43 PM
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A few months into my Gamanon sessions my grandfather passed away and it was through this experience I was able to truly let the Lord back in. His strong Catholic faith is what jump-started my long journey as a Christian. After returning to Sunday mass a few times I made the decision to confirm my faith as a Catholic. Now I am able to look back at the passed years of chaos and make sense of it all. It has helped so much to find the reason for the addiction in my life, not necessarily concerning myself with how it affected others.
posted by Desk Jockey @ 10:42 PM
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After a few months of living with my brother, my dad’s rent payments were not showing up and he was gambling again. This caused catastrophic damage to our family. The codependency in my family blinds us to the addiction, we only see the person. How could a father do this to a son? We all agreed to join our nearest Gamanon Group (a support group for the families affected by a gambling problem) unfortunately; I was the only one to follow through. I have to say it definitely paid off. I attend for about a year and a half. I learned and grew so much.
posted by Desk Jockey @ 10:42 PM
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While I was working at the glass factory, my dad’s plans in Arizona began to fall through. His gambling was becoming very consuming and before long he had lost his job and needed a place to seek refuge as well. We were blessed to both have an opportunity to move into a house that my brother was in the process of purchasing. I never would have moved back in with my father had I not thought that it would be a good financial opportunity. It was here that the codependency came back full force. My brother was now learning many of the lessons that I had learned about how manipulative an addiction can be to the loved ones surrounding it.
posted by Desk Jockey @ 10:41 PM
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One of the benefits of taking this new job was that it was very close to my Mom’s house and she was going to let me under her roof until I could get back on my feet. Saving gas money and travel time gave me the opportunity to save up enough to purchase a car.
posted by Desk Jockey @ 10:40 PM
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After meeting my girlfriend I was handed another wonderful opportunity. A job had recently opened up at a local glass factory. It was a hard labor job doing what I love to do, sandblast glass. I worked incredibly hard at this position despite the unpleasant conditions of horrible management and safety concerns. I learned so many tricks of the trade that I will be able to use the rest of my life.
posted by Desk Jockey @ 10:38 PM
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At the house I met my current girlfriend. I still to this day think of Kelly as a great gift from the Lord. It seemed so simple, as soon as I stopped trying so hard for happiness and just did what was right, she appeared. I fell for her almost immediately and today she is the person who plays the biggest role in my recovery. I think that when you really fall in love with someone you start to look at what they believe and what you believe. I tried on a lot of her perspectives on life and they just fit so well. She is a fabulous role model. I still look very carefully at the way she lives her life and I admire her.
posted by Desk Jockey @ 10:37 PM
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After coming home I “found refuge” at a house in Uptown Minneapolis. I lived in the back “servant’s quarters” of an old house. It was cold and damp, but somehow so comfortable. It was a good opportunity to become reunited with the friends I had only visited a few times in the last couple years. I had a great time and was able to gather my thoughts and make some plans before starting a new job.
posted by Desk Jockey @ 10:36 PM
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After giving up on life in the Southwest my brother and sister drove for days for the simple purpose of bringing me home. For this I am eternally grateful. Sure I could have found a way to get a plane ticket, but having them there at this very sensitive time did me a lot of good. Being on the road also gave me a lot of time to think. It was a great opportunity to start a new journey. Leaving my dad was very hard and I call this my first major step at recovery.
posted by Desk Jockey @ 10:35 PM
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After being away from Minnesota for awhile I began to feel that it just didn’t fit. My life here did have an opportunity at success but it wasn’t the success my heart needed. I was trying to hard to control my happiness, as if I was really in control. This was the first point of my turning back to Christianity. Whether or not I knew it, God had picked up the control I so carelessly cast aside. Within two weeks I had quit my job and my family was on their way to pick me up. I was a little afraid of what was ahead of me but for the first time in awhile it just felt right. span>
posted by Desk Jockey @ 10:35 PM
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I had enough of my father for awhile and decided to move in with another family. Living with this family played a big role in the development of my independence. I was given an opportunity under a safe roof to find myself without the constraints of financial stress. This family provided a safe haven, a means of transportation, and a great friend. This was all absolutely crucial to turning my life around.
posted by Desk Jockey @ 10:31 PM
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After some hard work and barrowing money my dad could afford to get a new apartment and I decided that I would move in with him again and get a job to help with rent. My conditions were; I wanted to be aware of all costs that we incurred while living with him and to help with those costs. Shortly after living there however the bills stopped coming to me and I ignored the issue. It wasn't long before the gambling started and the eviction threats began.
posted by Desk Jockey @ 10:31 PM
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After 3 years of living in Arizona the friends that I had associated myself with were turning to much harder drugs then Marijuana. My closest friend, whom I had lived with, fell very deep into a methamphetamine and heroin addiction. My other groups of friends were dabbling with coke and methamphetamines. This was the beginning for me in my fight for air. Everywhere I turned it seemed there was an addiction of some sort. I was still making horrible decisions and I was afraid for my life that I would be next.
posted by Desk Jockey @ 10:30 PM
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For a good while it seemed that my father's addiction was at bay. He was working full time and we had a steady flow of rent and groceries. Then after two or three nights of him not returning home until two or three in the morning I new it had begun again. I came home one day to find an eviction notice and after a few phone calls we were moved in with a close friend and his mother. It was at this home that I first experienced the grip that methamphetamine had on my closet friend.
posted by Desk Jockey @ 10:29 PM
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I definitely felt like I left a large section of that "home" back in Minnesota though. The friends that I met were few and far between and there wasn't much for my heart to truly grasp to. I was involving myself with a group of people who wanted nothing more in life then to be intoxicated. I made hundreds of poor, codependent decisions that would require much more then a page to go into detail about. Living with my father was something that built a lot of character. He was deep in his own depression and compulsive gambling and I was willing and ready to do whatever it took to bail him out. I thought I could fix a problem even though I had no idea what the actual problem was.
posted by Desk Jockey @ 10:21 PM
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After a short while of living with my mother I made a decision to move to Arizona and live with my dad. It seemed like fulfilling a dream I always had of living in the southwest. What a perfect way to escape the troubles of home. My father was attending GA meetings and had met with a woman whose daughter attended an Arts high school in Scottsdale. The opportunity presented itself and I took it.
posted by Desk Jockey @ 10:15 PM
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Living with my mother was a trying time for the both of us. For me, my grades were slipping dramatically and I was struggling with depression and a learning disability. Like many teens do after a traumatic family change I turned to smoking marijuana and drinking to sooth a pain. Luckily I had close friends who were experiencing similar difficulties and could provide support. They never let me fall far and provided much need love.
posted by Desk Jockey @ 10:15 PM
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My father beginning treatment was a large step for him and one that I thought at the time deserved more merit. But none-the-less it made the break some-what clean between my Mom and Dad. Something healthy came from their split. After treatment my father moved to Arizona and established a new beginning for himself. I moved in with my mother in an apartment not far from our home.
posted by Desk Jockey @ 10:14 PM
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The separation of parent’s shatters the denial of any naive teenager who thought that as long as you have love everything would be ok. I didn't understand my mother's prospective; that the hurt was "too deep" and that the love was over. I didn't know that love could just be "over." That was not what I was taught. It seems only human to reflect on where else in life lack of permanence can be applied.
posted by Desk Jockey @ 10:14 PM
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My codependent problems escalated when I would start to consider college and my mother and father declared Bankruptcy. When you are at an age where you don't understand money, bankruptcy is very confusing. With bankruptcy came the loss of our house. I think I was a lot sadder on the inside then I was on the out. I often felt like I should sacrifice my feelings because they would only add to the fire. And after all, I still thought everything was going to be okay.
posted by Desk Jockey @ 10:13 PM
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When my father's addiction first surfaced to me it was long known by my mother but kept quiet. She had the best of intentions wanting me to reach an age where I would understand. The difficulty with addictions is the innate desire to hide them. An addiction teaches the addict how to lie in order to survive.
posted by Desk Jockey @ 10:12 PM
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My life as a codependent started as most do. I grew up in a very loving household and my father had a secret addiction. Being a successful stock-broker and being the quintessential compulsive gambler, he was able to keep financial problems under the radar. My family taught me how to love and care for each other; in good times and in bad.
posted by Desk Jockey @ 10:08 PM
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Codependent Related Events in My Life (in chronological order)
posted by Desk Jockey @ 2:01 PM
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