The Codependent's Survival Kit

A World of Codependency

2008-12-04T18:25:00.001-06:00

Nations have an economic co-dependent relationship with other nations.

Countries like China and Saudi Arabia have an economic codependency with the United States, for instance. These countries are dependent with the US for weapons and/or foreign markets. The result being that if one country’s dollar was to change its dependant’s dollar changes as well.

China hopes to end its single reliance on the US by buying throughout the Shanghai Cooperative Organization, but there is a risk also. If you break codependency with one, you form codependency with another.

One reason why Codependents shouldn't feel alone: The rest of the world is right there with them.

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Thoughts of a Codependent

2007-03-09T18:01:00.001-06:00

Characteristics of Codependency

Please don’t let anything I say lead to a confrontation. I’ll do anything.
I can’t stop focusing on your well being and solving your problems.
I feel great when I solve your problems and give you what I think you need.
All those funny things that you do you do simply to spite me. To manipulate my feelings and desires.
If you’re ok. I’m ok…
When I feel good about myself, it is because you like me and approve of me.
Every bit of my mind is given to you. I need to protect you and have just a little control over you.
Are my values ok? What’s your opinion about my opinion?
I see myself years from now, doing what’s best for you.
I will be perfectly happy doing what YOU want to do.
All my hopes and dreams are not as important as spending time with you.
If I give you whatever you want, you’ll let me be happy, right?
It’s not important that my friends are less and less these days. At least I still have you.
I know what you are thinking and feeling because I know you so well.
Rather then pleasing me I would rather please you.

A Whole New Perspective

2006-09-22T20:36:00.000-05:00

So far this blog's focus has been on bringing the current, codependent related news to the readers in as simple and factual ways as I could. But I'm sorry to say...not many people seem to care. (clears throat).

I have decided...enough is enough. It's time for me to stop trying to be a news source and talk a little more about life. Of course I'm always up for suggestions.

To begin…

I have been working in the day-training field with adults with developmental disabilities for the past year. I have made one incredible connection with a person on the mid to lower end of the Autism spectrum. One of the things I envy most in my new autistic friend is how little he "seems" to care about what I think about him. I wonder if he ever even thinks about my emotions and thoughts.

As strange as it sounds to myself when I say it, I Love It. What a great relationship to have with someone. I don’t need to pretend. In fact the more I pretend the more inconsistent I am and the more my relationship suffers. I can pack away all sorts of character traits I have developed that will never be addressed in this relationship. I don’t need to show sadness because I will not be comforted. My jokes won’t be laughed at so I might as well stop trying to be funny.

The closeness I experience with my friend took seven months of physical and emotional torment, but I found my place. I have learned to respect the fact that he has "it" more figured out then I do. I can not get in his head, nor can he in mine. I do sometimes wonder if he looks at me like a computer program. I serve whatever function he has given me, and occasionally I have bugs and need to be re-booted. The first 7 months I spent with him he was simply writing my program into his system. What buttons he needs to push to satisfy his needs.

As a codependent I don’t mind one bit. At least he is honest about his codependency and doesn’t spend one minute hiding it. He has taught me to take life as it comes and be happy about the little things. The color of my candy, the smell of burnt food, the magnitude of a loud noise, and the amazement of a rain; are all seen with new eyes thanks to my new friend.

In every relationship learning is vital. Without it good-byes are just empty. Who in my life serves what function? Who in my life does not serve the function I thought they did? And where have I been wrong all along.

copyright 2006, All Rights Reserved

Kentucky's Last Stand

2006-09-07T19:22:00.000-05:00

The state of Kentucky is doing its best to combat Compulsive Gambling. It's a good thing because they don't want their states 25,000 compulsive gamblers to multiply.

The coalition consists of a group of certified compulsive gambler counselors, various gaming organizations, and the states Division of Mental Health and Substance Abuse and Council on Problem Gambling.

The state will be instituting the following things to help combat the losing battle:

Kentucky's is having it's "Responsible Gaming Education Week" for the fifth week in a row.
The distribution of about 40,000 "scratchers" with the slogan; "Play responsibly"
Horse Tracks and Ohio River Casinos will be receiving about 12,500 pens bearing the slogan.
5,000 posters with two self help questions will be displayed practically everywhere from casinos to charitable bingo halls. The posters have the questions: "Have you ever felt the need to bet more and more money?" and "Have you ever had to lie to people important to you about how much you gambled?"
Mental-health centers around the state will be receiving a package of gambling prevention and awareness materials.

Information

2006-09-03T19:10:00.001-05:00

Diffusing the mind jarring psycho babble.

This page is the “filing cabinet” for information about Codependency. This research has been gathered both on and offline. I am not a doctor of psychology but I find the information to be true through study by experience.

Give this information to yourself, your family, or your friends. It may help answer questions and provide some comfort. If there is any other information you would like me to research and return. Click the box below to E-mail me.

The copy-written articles may not be reproduced for profit.

Codependency...

A new gene found to affect OCD.

2006-08-23T20:48:00.000-05:00

Two new research papers at the U of Michigan show new proof of genetically involvement in OCD.

Brain imaging studies show that glutamate is one of the brain chemicals that play a part in OCD. Previous studies have revealed differences in glutamate levels in those with OCD and those without. The gene SLC1A1 is known as a “transporter gene” for glutamate. Some people’s brains may restrict different levels of glutamate based on differences in the “SLC1A1” gene. This could make some people more at risk for OCD.

This new discovery could lead towards better understanding and treatment

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Building a Puzzle with Broken Pieces

2006-08-23T20:28:00.000-05:00

The world’s most talented race car driver was just discovered in Italy; however he could not enter the US NASCAR circuit because his parents only taught him to drive backwards. Gradually the driver learned how to drive forward like most, and in the biggest race of his life crashed into the wall by accidentally turning left instead of right. Okay, so it’s not true but how much time should I really devote to making up some bogus analogy to ponder the value of learning from good examples.

oh well, sorry if this post seems pointless. I thought it might be worth it to some.

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Does the youngest mean the least experienced?

2006-08-06T12:40:00.000-05:00

If one train is moving from birth to high school at 55 miles per hour, another train is moving from high school to college at the same speed, and both trains hit the wall of Acceptance of Codependency at the same time. Which train will suffer greater damage?

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Meditations

2006-07-31T22:10:00.000-05:00

Familiar Stories and Points to Ponder

Family Turmoil - Early Diagnosis of Codependency

Fishing with Dad - (i) tab of quality, once a month

Does being the youngest child mean having the least experience? - For siblings in codependency

Building a Puzzle with Broken Pieces - some bogus analogy to ponder the value of learning from good examples.

A New Perspective - A relationship with an Autistic friend

copyright 2006 All Rights Reserved

Family splitting apart at the seams

2006-07-29T20:44:00.000-05:00

..A wedge has been driven in my family..

That wedge has the title of Codependency and it will never go away. Life was once simple when problems were ignored.

Is honesty the best policy? Is it true that what you don’t know can’t hurt you? If my father would have worn his “Compulsive Gambler” flag on his sleeve, and my mother her “Codependent Broach” I firmly believe that my journey for self reliance and responsibility could have started at a much younger age, maybe even early enough to develop typically. But I do also see the value in learning from you loved ones mistakes. Refer to Here Am I...There is my Family

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Here Am I...There is my Family

2006-07-28T22:41:00.000-05:00

It seems like every step I take forward in this self-help journey, the codependents in my life take one step back or settle in and get comfortable.

I belong to an online forum where a joke was published that goes something like this: “What does a Codependent do when it gets stuck in a rut?” The answer with deadly accuracy being... “It moves in the furniture”.

My question is; is it as simple as to say that everyone moves at a different pace, some just aren’t ready? Or is it some what more complex. In my case, I propose the idea that being the youngest by nearly seven years my advice and my modeled actions are simple ignored? Maybe if I was the oldest and others had confidence in me, my example would send a ripple to my friends. If the recovering Codependents success is so obvious, why do they not listen?

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Fishing Trip with Dad

2006-07-20T21:29:00.000-05:00

My Girlfriend and I took my father fishing for father’s day this year. I live with my father and battle the day to day struggles of codependency with him. But none-the-less it was a great day together and he enjoyed it enormously. For the previous week I had been thoroughly researching and planning for this day. Fishing spots, tackle, bait shops, lunch, and an in depth list of supplies.

We reached the lake early that morning and found us a cozy spot on the shore of Lake Independence. (Maple Plain, Minnesota) We settled down with our gear in hand and though the fish turn out was not what I expected, the company was just right. For one day we could escape the daily grind and compulsive behaviors. The one thing I can say about my father these days is that he can really settle into silent meditation.

Though I know I will never truly know what is on his mind he looked very content that day staring off into the calm slap of the waves. Eventually we had decided that we wanted to hit the fish a little hard and we decided to join the locals out on the pier. My dad has never been one to fish next to people on a dock, but today he was content. After a few hours, a massive fish was on my line and though I lost it in the struggle to bring it to the dock my dad talked of the excitement for weeks. Even today, a couple months later, he wants to return to Independence to try for “the one that got away.”

Through my growth as a codependent I have found that it really is the little things that make a person happy. For all the times I have refused to give him money or help him out when I know it leads back to the gambling, all it took was a well planned trip to make it all up to him. Hard work and togetherness says so much more than a 5 or 10 dollar bill here and there. I won’t forget that day, thanks God.

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2006-07-16T12:28:00.000-05:00

Everyone knows that college is a stressful and often depressing place. But nearly one in two will need psychiatric help before they finish school. That's a lot considering schools like Texas A&M have 22 councilors responsible for 45,000 students. Imagine a work load of nearly a thousand students each.

The most prominent issues are; academic stress and apprehension due to fear of disappointment. Failure is an uncommon fact of life for many young adults entering college these days. The chief of mental health services at a well known ivory college says that close to 50 percent of college students may suffer from some level of depression. In the last 13 years Kansas State’s number doubled for students seeking counseling for depression. Most students were upperclassmen.

From my experience it is more common to hear college students complain about anxiety and depression then the common cold. Though I do wonder how much of collegiate mental illness’s stemmed from drug and alcohol use. This is sort of a chicken and egg issue. I have a feeling when it comes to surveying college students about drug use it must be hard to get an accurate, truthful response.

How to get help:
Students who have problems with depression or anxiety should talk to mental health counselors at their school.

Parents should keep an eye on their kids:

Sleeping more/less then usual
change in appetite
less motivation then usual
Isolating themselves from those around them
Chemical and Substance use

Though many of these behaviors may be present this does not necessarily single out a mental illness, it may just be something to talk about. In the words of a wise philosopher: "dude, at that age, my mind was doing wheelies."

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2006-07-14T23:26:00.000-05:00

Some experts appear to be starting to question whether or not compulsive use of technology can form into an addiction. Things such as online video games and online friend networks have a very dramatic pull to a teen trying to escape reality, believe me I’ve felt the urge myself. This escape from reality is being seen as an emotional coping mechanism and countries overseas such as Amsterdam are opening centers to fight the problem.

Addictions and emotional problems definitely make good company. Depression and anxiety can easily be combated with a scratching of a compulsive itch. This once healthy past-time, however, has a price to pay. It is far too easy for the overuse of such stimulus to interfere with sleep patterns and relationships.

Not to self; “don’t spend too much time on your blog. It’s past your bedtime.”

more info: http://serendip.brynmawr.edu/bb/neuro/neuro02/web2/mschlimme.html

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Banned online Gambling

2006-07-12T12:15:00.000-05:00

On Tuesday, July 11th, Congress took a huge step towards banning most online gambling. The legislation voted on by the house would prohibit credit card and other payment options over the internet.
ISPs, banks, and credit card companies are the focus of this ban. Congress hopes that this bill will help in controlling payments to offshore websites. The title of the ban is "The Unlawful Internet Gambling Enforcement Act."

From what I have heard supporters say the ban will help the massive availability of online betting which supports addiction and financial problems.
In my opinion this is a huge step towards recognizing the massive issue of compulsive gambling in America. I understand the fact that Congress’ first priority is not to worry about compulsive gamblers, but I will take what I can get.

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Codependency Definition

2006-06-04T13:38:00.000-05:00

There are so many different definitions for Codependency. Over time the definition of Codependency has changed. It is now known generally as; the unhealthy characteristics formed from emulating a role-model’s dysfunctional living. Codependency is pretty vague when you consider the large gap between healthy and not so healthy. Originally the idea of codependency came about when the world needed to come up with a name for all of the people who lived with alcoholics. The two big words every codependent should know well are; maladaptive and compulsive. Bring those words to the dictionary and you will find they are anything but beneficial to a healthy way of living.

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The Codependent's Tool Box

2005-07-30T13:40:00.000-05:00

Meditations Familiar Stories and Points to Ponder
Information About Codependency Diffusing the Mind Jarring Psycho Babble
Online Support Groups Google Groups and Online Forums with addict/codependent information

Online Groups and Forums

2005-07-30T13:07:00.000-05:00

This is a listing of different groups I have found online. I hope you join and feel like part of a community just like I do. Click on the title of the groups to access them.

Google Groups
You can subscribe to these groups and recieve Emails when updates have been made. Check them out!

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Google Group

2005-07-30T13:02:00.000-05:00

Click on the Group Title to access Groups. You can subscribe to these groups and recieve Emails when updates have been made. Check them out!

Google Codependency Group
Description: Mutually destructive relationships.
Access: Public - Usenet
Activity: Low - 7 recent authors

Google Recovery Group
Members: 215
Description: Online Recovery for addictions. With a wide range of topics defined by the members we offer our ES&H on recovery related issues.
Access: Anyone can join, Only members can post, Archives are public
Activity: Low - 12 recent authors

Alcoholics Anonymous
Members: 632
Description: This group is not affiliated with any sect, denomination, politics, organization or institution; does not wish to engage in any controversy, neither endorses nor opposes any causes.
Access: Anyone can join, Only members can post, Archives are public
Activity:High - 50 recent authors

Al-Anon
Members: 92
Description: Al-Anon Offers Hope and Help for Families and Friends of Alcoholics
Access: Anyone can join, Only members can post, Archives are public
Activity: Low - 11 recent authors

Google NA Group
Description: Recovery and Narcotics Anonymous.
Access: Public - Usenet
Activity: Low - 22 recent authors

12 Step Recovery
Members: 386
Description: The 12 Step Recovery group supports all those involved in recovery using a 12 step program. We will post and respond on recovery issues faced in the course of living the principles and steps. Bring your issues, questions, and comments!
Access: Anyone can join, Only members can post, Archives are public
Activity: Low - 31 recent authors

Wikipedia explores Codependency

2005-07-29T20:48:00.000-05:00

"Codependence (or codependency) is a popular psychology concept popularized by Twelve-Step program advocates. A "codependent" is loosely defined as someone who exhibits too much, and often inappropriate, caring for other people."

Visit Wikipedia for the full story

Codependence. (2006, July 14). In Wikipedia, The Free Encyclopedia. Retrieved 01:46, July 30, 2006, from http://en.wikipedia.org/w/index.php?title=Codependence&oldid=63730054.

Codependency : News

2005-07-11T13:48:00.000-05:00

I've started to receive Google Alerts for a wide range of related topics. I've sorted through the hubbub and picked out what I think are "The Goods."

The spark: Banning online gambling
Addicted to Video Games?
Is College Stressful?...Do Bears?...never mind...
Nothing like a new pair of jeans
A world of Codependency

Toolbox Support Groups

2005-06-17T13:50:00.000-05:00

The following groups have allowed permission to be included on this site:

www.coda.org/
www.MindsAndK9s.org
http://www.recovering-couples.org/

The Codependent’s Survival Kit does not evaluate or rate the individual self-help groups, nor products advertised with-in, which are contained in the blog. Therefore, the Codependent’s Survival Kit’s listing of a self-help group or product does not constitute an endorsement of that group or product. Neither does omission signify disapproval. The use of any information is entirely the responsibility of the reader.

Under Construction

2005-06-05T17:44:00.000-05:00

I am currently working out the kinks in this website to make it as user-friendly as possible. Please check back soon and the website will be up and running. If you have any suggestions or if there is anything you would like to know about Codependency. Email me at CodeSurvKit@gmail.com
Thank You,
Patrick

Characteristics of Dysfunctional Couples

2005-06-05T16:11:00.000-05:00

How do we know if we need help?
“Characteristics of Dysfunctional Couples” are listed below to help couples identify problem areas in their relationships. A couple does not have to relate to all of these characteristics to admit that the relationship is suffering, or to seek help. These Characteristics serve to identify relationship issues. They help us know “we are not alone” in our struggle to find healthy intimacy.

Characteristics of Dysfunctional Couples
-Being together and unhappy is safer than being alone.
-It is safer to be with other people than it is to be alone and intimate with our partners.
-If I really let my partner know what I’ve done or what I’m feeling and thinking (who I am), he/she will leave me.
-It is easier to hide (medicate) our feelings through addictive/compulsive behavior than it is to express them.
-Being enmeshed and totally dependent with each other is perceived as being in love.
-We find it difficult to ask for what we need, both individually and as a couple.
-Being secure is equal to being intimate.
-We either avoid our problems or feel we are individually responsible for solving the problems we have as a couple.
-We believe that we must agree on everything.
-We believe that we must enjoy the same things and have the same interests.
-We believe that to be a good couple we must be socially acceptable.
-We have forgotten how to play together.
-It is safer to get upset about little issues than to express our true feelings about larger ones.
-It is easier to blame our partners than it is to accept our own responsibility.
-We deal with conflict by getting totally out of control or by not arguing at all.
-We experience ourselves as inadequate parents
-We are ashamed of ourselves as a couple.
-We repeat patters of dysfunction from our families of origion.

For more information visit http://www.recovering-couples.org/

This page was copied with permission from Recovering Couples Anonymous Outreach Brochure.

Disclaimer

2005-06-04T10:10:00.000-05:00

DISCLAIMER:
By retrieving and/or utilizing information from The Codependent’s Survival Kit, you agree to hold harmless The Codependent’s Survival Kit from any and all liability arising directly or indirectly from your use of information contained in the site.

The Codependent’s Survival Kit does not evaluate or rate the individual self-help groups, nor products advertised with-in, which are contained in the blog. Therefore, the Codependent’s Survival Kit’s listing of a self-help group or product does not constitute an endorsement of that group or product. Neither does omission signify disapproval. The use of any information is entirely the responsibility of the reader.

The year 2005 date’s used to mark posts are not the date the post was published. Dates are changed in order for the information to appear at certain parts of the post. All dates marked 2005 were actually written in 2006.

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