“Characteristics of Dysfunctional Couples” are listed below to help couples identify problem areas in their relationships. A couple does not have to relate to all of these characteristics to admit that the relationship is suffering, or to seek help. These Characteristics serve to identify relationship issues. They help us know “we are not alone” in our struggle to find healthy intimacy.
Characteristics of Dysfunctional Couples
-Being together and unhappy is safer than being alone.
-It is safer to be with other people than it is to be alone and intimate with our partners.
-If I really let my partner know what I’ve done or what I’m feeling and thinking (who I am), he/she will leave me.
-It is easier to hide (medicate) our feelings through addictive/compulsive behavior than it is to express them.
-Being enmeshed and totally dependent with each other is perceived as being in love.
-We find it difficult to ask for what we need, both individually and as a couple.
-Being secure is equal to being intimate.
-We either avoid our problems or feel we are individually responsible for solving the problems we have as a couple.
-We believe that we must agree on everything.
-We believe that we must enjoy the same things and have the same interests.
-We believe that to be a good couple we must be socially acceptable.
-We have forgotten how to play together.
-It is safer to get upset about little issues than to express our true feelings about larger ones.
-It is easier to blame our partners than it is to accept our own responsibility.
-We deal with conflict by getting totally out of control or by not arguing at all.
-We experience ourselves as inadequate parents
-We are ashamed of ourselves as a couple.
-We repeat patters of dysfunction from our families of origion.
For more information visit http://www.recovering-couples.org/
This page was copied with permission from Recovering Couples Anonymous Outreach Brochure.
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